Be kind when breaking bad news
Earnsy Liu | August 13, 2019
Most of us aren’t intentionally mean, but sometimes even the best of us can be thoughtless or unkind without realising it. Do you think you’re ever mean? Maybe, occasionally, just a little bit? Or never ever?
I’m sure you don’t like to give bad news — you did say you weren’t mean, didn’t you? — but sometimes that can’t be helped. You may have to let an employee go, an employee who’s the sole breadwinner with three dependents. You may have to give your tenant notice, that young solo mum whose child has just been diagnosed with leukaemia. You may have to tell contractors they didn’t win the tender they laboured over.
Be kind when giving bad news: mind your language and tone. Image by Andrea Tummons. Unsplash licence.
What do you do? No, don’t delegate. That would be mean. And perhaps cowardly. You do it kindly.
- You find a reasonable time. Put yourself in the person’s shoes. Not on their birthday, and not 5 minutes after they’ve broken up with their long-time partner.
- You get to the point. Don’t waffle and prolong the pain and awkwardness for both of you. If you’re doing it in writing, put a meaningful title in the subject line. Not something vague like ‘Tender results.’ Try ‘We’re sorry to tell you your tender was unsuccessful.’
- You tell them in plain language. At the very least, use everyday words. Don’t find the longest word you can think of. Big words won’t cushion the pain: they’ll just confuse things and make things worse.
- You use the active voice. Not ‘It was decided’. Own it! Say ‘I decided’, or ‘We decided’.
Breaking bad news is about using the right tone and saying the right words in the right way. Do it well and you’ll make the bad news more bearable. Do it badly and it could be the way you deliver the message, not the bad news itself, that makes someone cry.
It’s not easy, I know. If you want to learn more about breaking bad news kindly, sign up to one of our online courses.
- If people tell you you’re very different in person than in writing, it could mean your tone in writing is distant or unfriendly.
Let us help you with our Tone Matters course - If people tend to misunderstand your writing or often ring to clarify what you’ve said, perhaps how you say things could be better.
Do our Plain Language Foundations course
One last tip: whatever you do, for goodness sake don’t end your bad news letter with LOL. Txt speak isn’t appropriate when giving bad news. Besides, it means laughing out loud, not lots of love.